here you are again uninvited

balu

Back again for another visit
Your welcome knowingly foreseen
Back you are again, with the baggage that steals all dreams.

Will your stay be long inquires from deep within me.
I pray it is brief, yet my strength is required if this is to be.

My spiritual muscles tire each passing day you are here.
Silent my screams your no longer welcome unheard, yet so visible in a mirror.

I continue to launder your belongings of guilt, shame and remorse.
I wake and shower to rinse pain and scrub suffering with force.

Your visit I know has been long overstayed. 
I am filled with fear you may go
I am filled with fear you may stay.

To go I fear the permanent goodbye that makes possible all I am to learn
To stay I fear the permanent goodbye that makes possible all I am gone. No return.

I teeter and tooter now. What do I do?
So deeply am I in love with you, yet so deeply am I full of hatred with you. 
I know the truth and betrayal will ensue.