Just a small Cut

sarah lough

Crimson red fills the bowl and i think i'm going to be sick
with everything spinning so fast i cannot breathe.
walls closing in and everything fades.
Flashes of light come by, one by one.
Feeling sleepy not knowing your name.
Not knowing mine
there it is. my favorite thing of all this, 
the feeling of pain is gone from before and a new form enters me.
laying here waiting for you to come home
i open my eyes and see flashes of you and me from before you went.
you walk inside.
you call to me and wait for an answer.
you hear small light breaths coming from the bathroom
thinking it is me, you walk down the hall with a smile.
the kind that makes your knees go weak
you walk in. oH god, is all you can think
i'm trying to look uo at you but i can't move. a cold chill comes over me as you pick me up.
you say we are going to the hospital and that everything will be okay.
you rush me in
blood running down
the nurse rushes you to a bed so i can lay down
i can hear you asking her something
but i cant make out the words
i feel something cold and wet touch my face then my arm
i feel the prick of a sharp object go in my right arm
the nurse says that i need stitches because the wound is too deep
i feel the thread go in and out of my arm
and a band-aid goes around and around
after i have slept for two days they let you in.
i can move again and open my eyes
you say that i got 76 stitches because the cuts were way too deep.
and that i almost died
i pull off the band-aid and look.
i see over 20 cuts and begin to cry
you tell me its okay and we will get some help
about 5 years later
we have to deal with ourselves. 
sometimes i wish i could go back 5 years and change what i did so i can make it right