Failure~

Jaycee L. Hughes

You put wear and tear down onto me,
I feel my heart weaken. 
Do you ever stop, 
to even take a look at yourself?
I can’t take the pain,
it’s breaking me.
Why won’t it stop,
will this be the end?

The tears slowly fall,
only on the inside.
If this was to stop,
maybe I could be normal again?
My blood rushes,
wishing to be free for once again.
I dream of the razor,
to take away my pain.

I reach for it,
only to be stopped by my inner self.
I've fought this battle once,
can I do it again?
If I give in just this once,
can I stop myself again?
The burning grows as I give in,
the razor going into my wrist.

The feeling grows I want more,
I wish to die again.
I can’t control myself,
my inner demons have been unleashed.
The pain fades as I go deeper,
I can’t take it here.
My blood slowly spills out,
no more pain for me.

Yet, I can’t seem to go deep enough,
my life stays here.
The pain is only temporarily gone,
it will return within minutes. 
My vision is clear,
no longer blurry.
I move to my legs,
cutting deeply.

I just want the pain gone,
but that will never happen.
No matter how many scars,
I’ll never die…
Can I just disappear now,
into the shadows? 
That’s all I ask,
is for my body to accept this death.

I just wanna know,
what’s it’s like to be pain free.
Is it as good,
as I've been hoping?
Or is it just like now,
only numbness?
My vision blurred and I smiling,
this is my final end.