My letter to the world

Dillon (Blood Tears)

When you are told one thing for so long you believe it. I know I look good, I know I'm not evil, I know I'm not an addict, I know I'm not a mistake. But I am.

You can't grow a rose in a burning pit of tar, no matter what people say. It may look like a rose but inside, inside its a rotting weed. Tortured by its thoughts and feelings. Broken down by everything and everyone around it until it decides to break its self. Its sorry for everything its done to you, it doesn't know what it did, what it said but its sorry.

It cries itself to sleep because it doesn't understand why it doesn't belong. It gets high and drunk to finally love itself, to finally feel some peace. Only to be screamed at, tossed around and disgarded like trash because it can't get love from you so it uses substances.

It sits alone in the dark crying and silently screaming. To be tortured by its thoughts, memories, and knowing what's coming when the sun starts to rise. It starts to love the night and the monsters inside. It creates a split personality to have a friend, a friend to tell it that everything will be ok. To tell it that there was a reason it was born.

This "rose" won't talk to people for the fear of being judged, abused, made fun of, and discarded again. It puts on a strong and scary shield to protects what's inside. Doing so for so long it forgets who it is, it doesn't know how to remember who it is, how to change, how to ask for help. It cries and bleeds and loses what's left of its sanity scratching words onto this paper to tell a story, to beg for help. On this paper so no one can see it and hurt them, to post it online for others to read and not know the invisible face behind the words.

It is being killed because its different and too scared and not strong enough to get help and change itself to be better and hope its change will make other like it. So it doesn't have to go home and hide under the covers with the cold demons. So it can go and hold another person, to feel some warmth in its body. To feel like it belongs.